i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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