this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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