Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
