I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
