Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
