I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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