Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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