Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
