I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
BRING THE BAGELS
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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