this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
birth control should be required to get into college
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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