the condom got lost in my hair
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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