I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
