Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
