I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am naked and annoyed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
