This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
