Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
