I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
