I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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