bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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