____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
