she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
