I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
