i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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