pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
