Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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