At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
