community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
