Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
