my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize