Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
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