new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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