Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
