awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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