don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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