if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
