are you still at the devil's house?
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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