I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
