I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
