One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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