is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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