we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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