I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
