my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
