Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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