dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
