she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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