He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
