First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
