last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
