is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
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For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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