Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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