chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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