I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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