He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My bed smells like the plague
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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