Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
